


Messing Up

by salutarykitten



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23793625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salutarykitten/pseuds/salutarykitten
Summary: Catra's alone, isolated, and bored out of her mind.  Trapped in Horde Prime's ship, all she has time to do is reflect on her life, her choices, her mistakes.  That is, until someone crashes the party.  My take on Glimmer and Catra's first conversation in the upcoming fifth season.
Relationships: Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Kudos: 29





	Messing Up

**Author's Note:**

> I started this out as writing my version of Season 5, but I was ok with this first scene and decided to post it. This is just a one-shot for now, it could be followed up on but probably not. I found it weirdly cathartic to write. It's almost more of an essay on these characters and their motivations, but I had fun writing it. Nothing explicitly shippy but it could definitely be the start of a slow burn, I'm not sure if I want Glitra to happen but I could be into it depending on how Season 5 goes! I also think Catra struggles with depression and suicidal ideation, and a lot of this fic is going through Catra's thoughts so if that's uncomfortable for you please be warned! Thanks for reading.

10 days.

Catra looked at the marks under her bed. It’d been easy enough to make them using her claws. Horde Prime probably didn’t expect her to be defacing his stainless steel furniture. The endless grey was starting to seep into the recesses of her brain.

“Horde Prime: Biography of His Magnanimosity, the Greatest Ruler, the Eternal.” The 29 volumes of this book were all that filled Catra’s bedroom. She was surprised it was in a language she could understand.

_ Horde Prime was born on the planet Primus. Though he and his parents had humble origins, from a young age Horde Prime showed signs of genius. His father was a plumber, and his mother was a school teacher. Horde Prime’s teachers were shocked at his essays from a young age, talking about wealth disparity- _

Catra had given in and read an excerpt from the book after her fifth day of captivity, when she was ready to claw her brains out. She couldn’t finish the first paragraph before throwing it against the wall.

She was allowed walks along the ship, but only on the floors reserved for nobles.

And of course, she wasn’t allowed to see Glimmer. Not that she wanted to. If her spongey pillows weren’t indestructible, Catra would’ve ripped them to shreds just thinking about her stupid pink face.

The blanket was made from a strange material. Whenever she tried to fold it together or tie it into a knot, it just slipped off, but it didn’t have this effect on her body. Not that there was anything to hang it from.

She wished she was dead.

Adora. Perfectionist, heroic, shithead Adora. She could ace a training regiment, but there’s nothing she’d be able to do here. She couldn’t stop Catra from opening a portal. She barely stopped her from destroying Etheria’s runestones. She could barely stop her own allies from using her as a weapon and nearly blowing up the planet. How was she going to stop a legion of millions of space ships with death canons and invincible clone warriors? And her allies were no better.

Even if she did win, Adora would kill her the first chance she’d get. Scorpia couldn’t care less about her, Double Trouble had betrayed her, Entrapta was probably dead. And when Horde Prime kills Adora? He’d dispose of Catra as soon as he turned Etheria into a super laser.

So why had she saved Glimmer?

Self preservation. She had to make herself useful, even if just for a few more days. I know how to get the Heart of Etheria to work. I know how to make Glimmer do what you want. She didn’t. She knew nothing about Glimmer. She seemed angry. She almost didn’t belong with the princesses.

But what did Catra know? If Adora liked her, she was probably the living embodiment of sunshine. That’s all Adora wants. Anyone who’s weaker than her, who could beat her, who might feel angry or wronged or want to hurt anyone? Adora would just throw them out like garbage.

She was garbage. She wanted to die.

So why save Glimmer?

She asked Glimmer to kill her. Glimmer was ready to do it, and then… They locked eyes. It was like seeing Catra’s self-hatred made her stop.

“It’s you, wildcat. You drive them away.”

Double Trouble’s words echoed in her head, and she screamed. She didn’t know Glimmer, she didn’t care about her.

But she couldn’t let someone else get hurt because of her.

She tried to claw into her pillows again. Why did she care? She’d been responsible for so many deaths. Angella. Entrapta. The citizens of Salineas. She’d almost killed Adora so many times. She’d almost destroyed the whole world.

Catra froze. She heard some kind of murmuring. “Catra?” She was going insane. Catra started laughing. This just topped it all off.

“Catra? Shit, isn’t this her room? Catra?” No, she knew that voice. The high pitch, the whininess…

A few seconds later, a flash of sparkles in the silhouette of sparkles appeared in front of Catra’s bed.

“Glimmer?” Catra squinted. She curled up into a ball. “What are you doing here?”

Glimmer glared at her. “Look, I don’t trust you. I don’t even really like you. But you saved my life. I have to believe we’re kind of on the same side here. Regardless of how you feel about the rebellion, Prime will kill all of us if we don’t do something.”

“I thought after Adora talked to you, you’d rather die than ask me for help.”

Glimmer sat down on the floor, crossing her legs. She laughed. “Adora would never stop defending you. You destroyed the sea gate, and she insisted that you were confused. You kidnapped me, let Shadow Weaver torture me, and she said Shadow Weaver was forcing you to do it, that you were too scared to come to the Rebellion.”

“Adora knows nothing about me. She never knew anything about me, and neither do you. Oh, snivelly, whiny Catra, pathetic Catra, Catra doesn’t have a god damn clue what she’s doing, poor useless Catra needs me to come and save her!”

Glimmer took a deep breath. “I’m not here to argue with you, Catra-”

“Did she tell you what Shadow Weaver did to me? Do you have any idea?” Catra sprung up. “I forgot you’re all buddy buddy now. What did Shadow Weaver tell you? That I’m pathetic? That you shouldn’t even worry about me? Focus on Hordak, Catra is weak, Catra couldn’t even break out of me trying to strangle her when she was five!” Catra hadn’t noticed the tears forming on her face. She didn’t want Glimmer to see her like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. That only made her cry even more.

They sat there in silence for what felt like forever. Catra covered her eyes with her hands. She just wanted Glimmer to leave, but she couldn’t even talk through her sobs. How had she gotten this riled up? She really was pathetic.

“I can’t believe she was doing all of that behind Adora’s back. The way Adora talked… It sounded like you used to be close.”

Catra tried to laugh, but it came out as snot. “Behind Adora’s back? Behind Adora’s back! Adora saw it. She saw all of it. She did nothing. Not until she talked to you. One hour of spending time with you and she throws all of it away! Watching Shadow Weaver use her magic on me, watching Shadow Weaver insult me, tell me I was useless, tell me I was garbage, that wasn’t enough for her, but one conversation with you and she’s ready to jump ship. How was I supposed to know you were any better! How did I know you wouldn’t yell at me and hit me just like Shadow Weaver did! She expected me to throw everything away, do exactly what she says while she calls me disrespectful and insubordinate and-”

Catra had been staring at the bed, so she was confused when she felt a sting across her face. “Shut up! Just shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself, Catra. Maybe before all of this I could’ve felt sorry for you. Maybe I could’ve gently won you over to our side. You murdered. My mom. You almost killed Entrapta. You destroyed Salineas. You almost destroyed the entire world just to screw over Adora! I don’t care, Catra! I’m getting out of here. This all has to have been for something or I will lose my mind. You can help me, or you can stay here.”

Catra couldn’t hold it back anymore, and burst into tears. “I’m sorry, Glimmer! I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I couldn’t see straight. All I could think of was Adora, and Shadow Weaver, and how hurt they made me feel. I didn’t… I don’t even know who I am. The rebellion represented Adora and Shadow Weaver and all my self hatred and it was the only way for me to feel like I had control.” Taking a shuddering breath, she managed to wipe the tears out of her eyes. “Adora was right. Shadow Weaver was right. Everyone just kept saying that, and it made me feel like they were right when they told me I wasn’t as good as them.”

“Adora made mistakes, Catra, but she was a child. All she had was Shadow Weaver. Maybe she treated you wrongly, but Shadow Weaver was all she had to go off of. If you explained this to Adora, if you talked it through with her, she would understand. You never gave her that opportunity. Instead, you just tried to take it out on the entire planet. None of us had anything to do with what happened to you as a child. I understand why you’re hurting but…” Catra hadn’t even noticed that Glimmer’s face had become wet from tears. “You killed my Mom.”

Catra shuddered. “I’m sorry. I knew… Deep down I knew the portal was never going to work. But the fact that Adora was the one saying it, that everyone had to agree with her. Just once I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted to know she was wrong about me.”

They sat in silence for a while, not saying anything, just breathing. Staring at the ceiling. Just staying in that room, together. “Adora probably hates me, too.”

“Adora’s obsessed with you.”

“I almost turned her into a superweapon that blew up the planet. Because I wanted revenge. Because…” She snorted. “Because I wanted Adora to be wrong. My whole life I’ve never had any say in anything. Everyone’s told me what I have to do. They’ve told me that my gut is wrong. They’ve told me that I need to listen to everyone else. And the worst part is, they’re right. I messed everything up.”

“Just like me. We both messed everything up.”

“I don’t really know why you needed to try and kill all of us, but you’re not weak. You’re not pathetic. The whole time, Adora was terrified of you. More than anyone else. Catra is so smart. She’s so clever. She has a backup plan, at the last second she’s going to pull something out and destroy us all.”

“I didn’t know what I was doing. I kept pulling things out of my ass.”

“You accomplished more in a year than Hordak did in a century. You’ve nearly destroyed us all.”

“Fighting you was way scarier than fighting your Mom. She would always hold back. Every time I thought I had you beat, you’d do something crazy and unpredictable. I kept getting back up through the skin of my teeth.”

“Catra.” Glimmer sat up. “I doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done. But I need that woman I fought against. I need that person who can come up with a plan out of nothing.” She turned, and looked Catra dead in the eyes. “If you help me get out of here. If you help the Rebellion take back Etheria. I’ll grant you amnesty. I don’t know what any of our relationships will be like, but I won’t let any harm come to you. So, Catra. How do we get out of here.”

Catra smiled, in spite of herself. For the first time, she felt like someone actually believed in her. She felt like someone was counting on her.

“We hit Prime where it hurts most.” Catra smirked. “His pride.”


End file.
